Co-sleeping: is the end of an era in the offing?

Tonight Mallory sleeps in her own bed. I'm going to join her eventually, but the day will soon come that she will sleep by herself. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Tonight Mallory sleeps in her own bed. I’m going to join her eventually, but the day will soon come that she will sleep by herself. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Last night she kicked me in the eye. And I won’t miss the altogether too frequent negotiation over whether or not it’s too early to get up.

But there’s the connection that I feel with her every time I settle down to sleep. I feel somehow complete and competent as a parent when I soothe her back to sleep in the middle of the night. And the cuddles. Of course the cuddles. All this I will miss terribly.

I’m worried that somehow we’ll become un-bonded. That this is how teenage alienation starts and I’ve just set off a chain of events that will with her running away from home at age 15, never to be seen again.

The rational me knows this isn’t true. But still, I wonder if it will change my relationship with my daughter.

So far, I’m not excited. The evening was fraught with tension.

I had a flat and ended up walking most of the way home, making Irene miss her yoga class. The bed didn’t arrive until 6:30 or so. Mallory was so excited she didn’t want to eat dinner. When moving her new area rug to her new room, we discovered that Edgar had already visibly harmed it with his scratching. And as we were discussing whether we should put Mallory on her new mattress or on the one that’s already off-gassed, Mallory decides to bring up the issue of wanting a sibling.

And Mallory still isn’t asleep.

I had always imagined this being a joyful occasion that heralded yet another transition from toddler to child. But I fear this evening’s tension is a portent of the future and I’m really dreading it now.

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