Kicked out of the nap
This is the wierdest thing. I’m sitting here in the living room, typing this while upstairs Mallory’s napping. The fact that Mallory’s napping isn’t the wierd bit. What’s wierd is that when I left her, she was wide awake.
See, she flipped expressed strong emotions when she got home from her visit with Irene’s friend Manon. But it was naptime and she was definitely tired. So up we went. We sat on the toilet, washed hands and headed to bed. Over the course of these rituals the crying and anguish subsided.
We read stories and were all cuddly. But when the stories ended Mallory cranked out again became animated and upset. For 20 minutes she thrashed about, pounding me, the pillow, the mattress. I tried to acknowledge her feelings, probe their origins etc. I tried singing her songs. No avail. At a certain point I realized I was running out of patience and so I told her I was uncomfortable with her pounding the pillow near my head, kicking and thrashing. I told her if she didn’t calm down I would leave the room.
She kept thrashing about and so I got up. She asked me to stay. So I lay back down and she was calm for a bit. I was deeply relieved. This last week has already seen our worst tantrum ever around food and here was I thinking the wackiness was invading the hitherto calm and sane world of sleep. My relief was short-lived. She whispered to me ‘Daddy I’m still angry’ and punched the mattress.
“Mallory, if you start again I am going to leave.”
Mallory punched the mattress.
“Do you want me to leave?” Mallory nodded ‘yes’. And so I got up and left. She remained lying down and didn’t say a thing. That was at least 20 minutes ago and there’s been no sign of wakefulness since.
I feel like I’ve just torn my relationship with my daughter completely asunder. What have I done? Is this how she tells me she wants to sleep on her own? Or does she feel so rejected that she just doesn’t want to see me? I feel awful.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:00 am
Oh man, you're really lucky – on two fronts. First, she still naps and secondly, she doesn't need you to stay with her to fall asleep anymore!!! Woohooo for you!!!!
October 18th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I can’t remember how old Mallory is but I recognize a ‘spirited’ child like my own daughter. Even at nearly 12 J still occasionally loses it from over-stimulation and/or over tiredness. We’ve also had occasional head banging and years of continual night terrors, but mostly a bright, happy confident child who makes friends easily and adapts well in most situations.
One thing I am learning as she grows up is that it is not all about me. Most of her moods nowadays are reactions to the bigger world, it’s just that I’m still the safest punching bag. This fall term at school is always long, tiring and prone to melt-downs; no sooner have they re-settled than the routine gets messed up by Thanksgiving, Halloween and then Christmas.
I’m guessing that Daddy’s little girl will re-emerge shortly after Mallory wakes up, well after that fuzzy, grumpy post-nap bit anyway. Good for you for recognising that she still needs to nap, in my view the more they complain, the more they need it, though it gets harder and harder to settle them and then the naps eventually get so short it hardly seems worthwhile. But it is. Better naps mean better bedtimes. Often wish we could get ‘em back.
Keep up the good work.
Wendy