The end of good news
I was in Toronto a week or so ago to visit dad and to go to an oncology appointment with him. Before you read too much into the title, know that there is no truly bad news I have to tell. It’s just I’m coming to grips with the situation.
Dad has stage four prostate cancer. It’s in his bones and possibly his liver. For now, the hormone therapy is still working. His PSA is down around 1 (when first he started it was several hundred). But as they say, there’s no stage five.
This I have known for some time. But I think on this past visit it only started to hit home. Since his diagnosis, I’ve always been expecting to hear that he’s cured, that he isn’t going to need any more treatment, and that all his symptoms and side effects are subsiding. I think it only occurred to me when dad and I were talking about what questions we were going to ask his oncology team. He wanted to know what they put him on next when his PSA gets down to zero.
I said, “I’m pretty sure, dad, you stay on the hormone therapy until it stops working, and that once your PSA is at zero you need to stay on the hormones to keep it there. Maybe we can ask if you can take a treatment holiday?” As I said this, I realized that yes, it’s going to be fatigue, and hot flashes and urination problems from here on in. The next news will just be worse.
That sounds grim. And at the time I recall taking a lengthy swig of beer.
But I didn’t fell disheartened, sad or afraid then, heading home or now. I do worry about what comes next but dad and I had an excellent visit. We had some great conversations about his past, life raising two kids, growing up without a father, and even how he felt looking at his own death coming fairly (overly) soon.
I had a look at his high school year books, saw the Porsche he bought as a wreck and fixed up. We had a great time. I’m hoping there will be more times like that in between the bouts of bad news.
March 14th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
The end of good news: new on cmkl here: http://cmkl.ca/2009/03/14/the-end-of-goo…
March 15th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
@cmkl lovely post, chris.