Does co-sleeping kill? No, but it may drive you nuts
The Globe has an item on an Ontario coroners report that blames co-sleeping for just over half of the ‘sudden unexpected deaths’ of infants in Ontario in 2005. I started sleeping with our daughter Mallory when she was less than a month old. It wasn’t planned – we just discovered she slept far better on our bodies. But now it’s time to stop. Not because of this stupid and (I think) misleading report. Because co-sleeping will drive you nuts.
Read on into the Globe story and you have the usual fear mongering rubbish about co-sleeping. Co-sleeping was a factor in 11 of the 21 deaths, but of those, we don’t get to find out how many of those deaths had the usual “other extenuating circumstances” (drunk or drugged parent, smoking) etc etc.
And yet the coroner just says “we’re against co-sleeping, period.” Never mind that despite what the coroner says safe co-sleeping likely produces fewer deaths than cribs with mattresses and what not.
No, I think co-sleeping can be made safer than or as safe as any crib. But it will drive you insane.
I’m leaning further and further away from favouring co-sleeping with every passing night. I think it’s a great idea for about six months or even a year. But stop after that. Use whatever method you want but when you have that first birthday party get the kid a bed of her own.
There’s nothing like the love you feel for your child as she or he wraps themselves around your body as you walk/nurse/feed her or him back to sleep. I’ve never felt a feeling as strong or as profound. There were times I recall weeping with joy.
And when I lie down beside Mallory (if I hear her rustling or greeting) and she reaches out to touch me, then settles back to sleep — that too is a tremendous feeling.
But I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in seventeen months and it’s getting to me.
I’m miserable in the mornings. If I haven’t had my coffee before Irene speaks to me about anything other than ‘hi how was your night’ you can almost guarantee I will say something that will provoke an argument between us.
My brain is in a permanent state of mild confusion. I mix my words. My sentences get away from me before I can finish them. I have no imagination, no creativity and feel perpetually bereft of initiative.
I’ve got psoriasis for the first time in my life.
I have no energy to exercise. I’m gaining weight as eating is the only sort of fun I get on a regular basis and high energy foods keep me going through the day’s many energy lulls.
My limbs are in a constant chorus of mild complaint – shoulders, arms and low back from carrying Mallory, knees from ‘movie knee’ (too much time in a rocking chair if you can believe it), feet from walking back and forth and back and forth.
When Mallory wakes me to feed these days (anywhere from two to four or five times per night) Often I feel no love. Mostly anger and resentment. It takes great concentration and focus on my part to keep from truly losing it.
And there have been times when I’ve (gently) put Mallory down on the couch or the floor for fear that I’d do something worse if I didn’t have a quick ‘time out’.
It’s time to stop.
June 7th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Been there. I have totally, completely been there. When resentment dominates, it is time to make a change.
Hang in there.
June 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I heard about the report on CBC. I liked how the coroner said that he had heard the "breastfeeding and bonding argument" for co-sleeping, both of which he thinks you can still do with a baby sleeping in a crib. Obviously he hasn't breastfed a baby at night! Madeline started coming into bed with us because I discovered the wonder of feeding lying down. I don't think I would have kept breastfeeding her otherwise!I would love to see Sears take on the coroner's office. :-)
June 8th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Well I slept with both my boys! Now they are 12 and 16 and from time to time they still show up for early morning cuddles if they wake up early! And well, Asia where most of the world's population lives has been doing this for thousands of years! I chose this route as my eldest was born in Japan and that is what they did so that is what i did. Only when i came back did i discover that people were a little strange about it. The little ones are with us for only a short time and the more cuddles you get when they are little the easier it is to forgive them when they do weird things when they are teanagers! Hmmm! bet no one has done those longitudinal studies ay!